64 pounds of love

Thursday, October 29, 2009 11:36 PM

This kid of mine is 7 years old and full of raw, masculine energy. Not only is he active and impulsive, this guy is a natural charmer and he likes to flaunt it.

As he gets older, our relationship is evolving. His personality and his will are getting more pronounced everyday. We have private jokes between us and then serious moments where he hurts my feelings when he is aloof or insensitive. It's like he's my man or something sometimes! ^-^

At such a young age, I'm already seeing in him this beautiful manchild full of complexity and innocence. It's beautiful and scary to watch.

Dear God, thanks for my child.

A Tangle of Mysterious Contradictions

Wednesday, October 28, 2009 10:27 AM

“Hair brings one's self-image into focus. It is terribly personal - a tangle of mysterious contradictions.”
I’m bunning it this week. It’s only Wednesday and already I’m bored with it. It’s been raining for the past few days though, so that helps because it’s perfect bun weather. Each night, I’ve been taking the bun out and massaging my scalp with tea tree oil and sealing/stretching my ends with leave-in conditioner and shea butter (no more knots!). I’ve been taking hot showers without a shower cap on hoping that this has a similar effect to using a steamer. I’m going to cowash tonight, mainly because I want to detangle. After that, more buns and updos to finish out the week.

“Greet each moment with a curious, thankful and loving heart. And allow it to be the best time yet.”
I’m planning this week. I cause myself so much unnecessary heartache when I don’t prepare myself. It’s almost November, and the rest of this year is packed full of things I need and want to do. First, I will simplify my list by qualifying the needs from the wants from the think I shoulds. Then I will take steps to allocate my time and financial resources responsibly. Then, the most important step is to let go of the outcome. Despite best laid plans, life rolls how it rolls. All I can do is take steps towards my intentions and be open to whatever comes my way. Life is like hair. You can struggle against it and try to make it do what you want; or you can work with it, make the best of it and rock out to it AS IS.

“The world can at times distract you into caring about shadows and illusions of life that have no real meaning. Yet always, beneath the surface, your living purpose is there.”
I’m reflecting this week. So many changes are happening in my life. I don’t want to miss any of it because my attention is focused on the past or the future. Right now, this moment in time is perfect. I’m reflecting on all the mistakes I made to get here. I’m imagining all of the beauty and discovery that is in store. I’m making peace with all the things that I can’t change and digging deep for the courage to change the things I can. I’m paying attention to the things that make me uncomfortable...the things that make me want to go into fight or flight mode. I think there are hidden treasures buried underneath those things.

Life is a blessing!

Give us Free

Monday, October 26, 2009 6:14 PM

Imagine what it would be like if we didn’t judge each other? Can you even fathom the thought? How free everyone would feel to be themselves and live without the invisible bars and ceilings that hold us in? When I meditate and really try to dig into this feeling and wrap myself in it - the rapture completely overwhelms me and I have to back up off of it for a minute. It’s absolutely mind blowing.

I mean, where does it start? Kids start teasing each other and calling each other names almost as soon as they start talking. Their minds know nothing but how to receive love…so where does the fear come from? Where do they learn that our differences are measurements? Where do they learn to suck life out of each other in order to sustain their own power? Who…When…How…Why???

We teach it to them because it was taught to us. Our parents taught it to us because it was taught to them. And so on.

Could it be that it’s human nature? What makes us forget that state of unconditional love that we were in before we were born? The place we came from where there was nothing but love and peace? Could it be that we must forget in order to learn? Could it be that we are put here in a place where we feel unsafe and unprotected to walk our own special journey to discover if we can still love unconditionally in a place where nothing is guaranteed? I know that's a mouthful, but just read it again and let it simmer.

I’ve started listening very carefully to the messages that I am instilling in my kids, and often I don’t like the undercurrent. Although my intention is to protect them, am I teaching them to live in fear and silence? I am torn between protecting them and letting them be free to express themselves as they choose.

This is what they hear:

“Don’t climb that high or you will fall." (kids aren't afraid to try and fail)
"That’s a mean thing to say." (of course they are usually just being honest)
"You’re not going out of the house looking like that." (they won't be embarrassed but I will)
"Be quiet unless you are spoken to!" (you know, when grown folks are talking)
"This is good and that’s bad." (labels)
"This is right and that’s wrong.” (more labels)

Jeez. No wonder we turn into adults that worry, judge, hide and limit ourselves. Now of course, I’m not going to stop protecting my kids from harm, teaching them manners or how to present themselves a certain way. But damn!

They need to know right from wrong, right? So, how do I discipline and guide my children to handle themselves and watch their back in this world without breaking their spirits?! I want them to put Love first above all things! I want them to speak their minds! I want them to be open and unafraid of criticism! I want them to love themselves so much that they feel compelled to spread their unique energy without shame or embarrassment!

I’m not looking for immediate answers to all of these questions of course, because God does not work that way. The lesson IS the journey. And as I continue to learn how to be one with Love, I will teach those munchkins by example – how to live, how to love and how to shine like stars all over this world to honor God and the blessing that is life!

...Just tidbits passing through my mind on a random Monday evening! Love rocks.

Tuesday Lovefest

Sunday, October 18, 2009 9:23 AM

I am dedicating myself to thinking prosperity.
I affirm that I have plenty of time, energy, confidence and money
for everything I need to do.
Most importantly, I am rich in love, faith and hope.

Abundance has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you have. Abundance is about feeling rich and having rich feelings. Abundance is rich relationships, rich experiences, a rich mind and rich ideas that provide you with a sense of meaning. To understand abundance is to create what you want without fear. Abundance is knowing the glass is always full no matter what is going on. Abundance is feeling good about who you are, where you are and what you have because you realize you don't have to stay there. When your mind is an abundance of ideas, when your hearing is an abundance of love, when your life is an abundance of good people doing good things with and for you, you are rich beyond words. Abundance begins in mind, extends to deeds and brings rewards you can bank on even if you cannot put them in the bank.

My abundant source is unlimited.

~author unknown

Delicious Versatility!

Saturday, October 17, 2009 11:57 AM

If I haven't reminded you in awhile, let me remind you how glad I am that my hair is natural! Sometimes I just have to testify!! As planned, I went to the salon last week and got my hair a healthy trim and blow out. I'd considered getting a more drastic cut into a bob, but decided against it in favor of continuing to grow my hair out over this winter and really see what it can do.

Well, I'm really glad that I didn't get the cut. I got my hair cut on a Wednesday, and it rained and rained Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I have no patience anymore with the straight hair in the rain thing! None! Sure enough, come Saturday I was ready to change it up and just let my hair do its thing. Before I get ahead of myself, here's the results of the blow out:

It was OK for a change, but it was just sooooo flat after that first day! My ends feel amazing, though, and that's what the trip to the salon was really about. I was actually hoping that the rainy weather would cause my hair to frizz a little bit and get poofy, but it didn't! It just got more mop-like, plastered to my head and my ends got kind of frizzy/yucky. So, over Thursday and Friday I put some glosses and oil in my hair. By Saturday, it was a stringy mess.

I had plans to go out in a couple hours, so I decided to wet it and see what it would do. It was already sooo oily, but before I co-washed, I rubbed my scalp and ends with grapeseed oil. Got in the shower and cowashed with Tresemme Smooth and Silky conditioner (which I LOVE by the way. It's soooo thick and creamy and only $3.87 at Target!) It felt so nice to feel my hair get big again when I wet it! I detangled with the conditioner, but actually found that it wasn't tangly, I guess because I'd been wearing it straight. Rinsed it out and got out of the shower. While still wet, I put in a generous amount SheaMoisture Shea Butter conditioner. It's cold out but I had 2 and a half hours before I had to leave, so it was mostly dry by then. Here's how my post-trim wash and go came out. Voila - short hair.

If I'd put the Kinky Curly Curling Custard in it, I know the curls would have been crisper and had more hang time, but that's not what I wanted. I also didn't want the product build up, so I went with the minimalist approach. I felt that it had been oiled and conditioned enough to not get hard when it dried.


*I love that I can have both worlds! Long today, short tomorrow.

*My curls are springier and more defined post-trim! A trim or cut is always a great solution to hair that won't lay right.

*I'm getting used to the forehead! I realize that with natural hair, part of the adjustment is getting used to how the shape of your head may be more pronounced or just frame your face differently. It's not bad, just different. It's a different way of seeing yourself. Sometimes I feel vain for taking so many pics of my hair, but it me to see how it really looks. It always looks different to me in the mirror. Sometimes, I think i'm looking fly, then I take a picture with the camera and I'm like "EW! Is that what I look like?" LOL.

*For me, wash and gos are great for situations like these where I need a quick fix. But they are not ideal for me especially in the winter. They increase the tendency for fairy knots and they're not protective.

With that said, I'm excited about doing a braid set tonight. I'm over the straight hair...at least for a little while!

Recreate Yourself!

The Importance of Vision

Monday, October 12, 2009 12:59 AM

I'm having my first experience with writer's block. No shortage of things I want to talk about...but translating all the supposition and observations in my mind to paper has been sticky lately. And by sticky I mean I'm stuck.

So instead of allowing frustration to take over, I need to surround myself with inspiration. Do you have a vision board? I've tried the poster board kind, but I never got it quite right. Finally I realized why. It's a static piece. I may be a piece, but I am certainly not static :) I would have to create a poster board every week to keep up with myself. I also have a journal that I will paste pictures into like a scrapbook. If you don't have one, you should try. It's therapeutic and uplifting to read through it when you need a boost or just want to get back in touch with yourself.

This blog is becoming somewhat of a vision board. I didn't plan it, but I've come to see it that way. Using whatever format works for you, creating a vision board will promote your creativity and put you in touch with your natural gifts and abilities. You must structure your world so you are constantly reminded of who you are. Your subconscious mind is constantly recording everything you see. It is important to your mental, emotional and spiritual health that the things you see create images in your mind of who you are and what you want to be. You can only live up to the images in your mind.

With these things in mind, I'm ready to enter into this week with a focus on vision and mindfulness. Vision is a type of wisdom, really. Knowing what feeds your spirit and what visual catalysts generate the spiritual energy to keep you going. And mindfulness is what allows us to be fully aware in the present moment...not dwelling on anything but the perfection of now. When I am mindful, I see deeply inward and outward and I am able to let my intuition guide me with ease.

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?


This Week's Hair

Tuesday, October 6, 2009 1:30 PM

I straightened my hair this past weekend. It's nice to change it up for a little while!

I pre-conditioned with pure coconut oil, grapeseed oil and some leftover Suave conditioner that I didn't like. I then got in the shower and washed with Hair One. I've started separating the hair into four sections instead of two. This makes the process more manageable. The Hair One doesn't get sudsy because it's sulfate-free so I wet it, massage it into each section, wet it again and massage in some more. Then before I rinse it out, I added a heaping amount of Aussie Moist to each section and detangled with a wide-tooth comb. Wet each section a little bit and then detangled some more. Then I heaped on SOME MORE Aussie Moist to each section and put on a clear shower cap while I did the rest of my shower stuff. Probably 5-7 minutes. Then I rinsed it out with lukewarm water.

It was super soft when I got out. I put some SheaMoisture Shea Butter Leave-in (4 sections) in fat twists to let it air dry some before I blowdried. Once it was mostly dry, I sprayed with setting lotion and massaged my edges and scalp with shea butter/coconut oil mixture. I was worried that it would be too oily/residuey/ heavy with all the shea butter and coconut oil that I used, but it wasn't at all. I wish I'd had some leave-in keratin spray of some sort, but I didn't have any. I sprayed the setting lotion to help add a soft hold.
I blowdried on the warm setting. Then I used the Instyler AND a curling iron to get it straight. It was weird smelling my hair burning! I just kept reminding myself that I hardly put any heat in my hair anymore, so it's OK...it's OK...lol. Once I was done with the hots, I pin curled it, sprayed the pin curls with a few mists of setting lotion for good measure and tied it up with a silk scarf.

And here are the results...

Who says straight hair can't be big and full? Now that I'm natural, straight and big do not have to be mutually exclusive. My hair has grown a lot since the spring! I'm going to get a good cut in the next week or two to get me through the winter.
I think my hair is digging all the extra love it's been getting!

Singin My Life with Her Words

Thursday, October 1, 2009 10:23 PM

...they found my letters and read each one out loud....you feel me?

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back
~Didn't Cha Know, Erykah Badu

I done been through some painful things
I thought that I'd never make it through
Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the souls of my shoes
I've put myself in so many chaotic circumstances
By the Grace of God
I've been given so many second chances
But today I decided to let it all go
I'm dropping these bags I'm makin room for my joy
~I Choose, India Arie

I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I'm walking past the mirror
Don't stress through the night
At a time in my life
Ain't worried bout if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my vibe right
I ain't gonna let you kill it
~ Just Fine, Mary J. Blige

I'd do anything for you, I'd stand out in the rain
Anything you want me to do, don't let it slip away
There's a quiet storm and it never felt like this before
There's a quiet storm, I think it's you
There's a quiet storm and I never felt this hot before
It's givin me somethin that's taboo
~ The Sweetest Taboo, Sade

And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I'm reminded every time I see your face
~ To Zion, Lauryn Hill

Wednesday Lovefest

8:59 AM

Are you feeling beautiful today? I am.
My heart is full and everywhere I look, I see possibilities.
It's contagious, you know. Your energy, I mean.
What kind of energy are you spreading???

Joy must spring forth from you before it can surround you. Joy must be the way you walk and the way you speak to those who come into your realm. Joy is knowing you are doing what you can, the best you can, and you are feeling good about it. Joy is knowing that time is on your side and wherever you are, you are the joy. Joy is taking the time to say thank you, a day to do for self and an energy of sharing what you have. Joy is not what happens to you; it is what comes through you when you are conscious of the blessing you are.

I Am the source of joy.

Author Unknown