Tuesday, December 29, 2009 10:20 PM

I must tell you.

It's been a wonderful, eye-opening, finding myself kind of a year. I feel like this is the happiest I have ever been. I pause there and think about my college years, because that was such a unique and amazing time, but that was ignorant bliss at its best! And quite honestly, college was quite painful for me - my first heartbreak, first hangover, first (and last) "kicked out of the honors program"...yeah lots of painful firsts..without much understanding or growth as a result!

This, right now is the happiest and most aware that I have ever been. And I want more. I expect more. I expect more success, resilience and growth. I look forward to more love, honesty and enlightening experiences. I'm excited. I can't wait to share more, to find more ways to express myself, to uncover what has been suppressed for so long.

New calendar, new year, new decade - it's all the same. We don't have to wait. Every single moment offers the opportunity to establish new habits and change old ones. I continue to make a conscious effort to give up the following vices:

1. Pouting
2. Overspending
3. Not asking for help
4. Apologizing for being me
5. Narrow mindedness
6. Avoidance/Procrastination
7. Needing to have the last word
8. Negative and limiting thinking
9. Expecting people to read my mind
10.Doing things the same way and expecting different results

Could it be that life itself is round and every ending is actually a beginning? Dare I define my own world where there are no mistakes..only self-discovery? I dare. If I tried to do it any other way, I'd be lost in this place.

Happy New Year and Peace and Blessings to you always!

"Love is life and life is free
Take the ride of life with me
Free your mind and find your way
There will be a brighter day!"

Erykah Badu - Didn't Cha Know

Daily Harmony - Dreams and Singularity

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 5:55 PM

"Far away there in the sky are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

"As a writer, at some point I believe one has to stop holding back for fear of alienating some imaginary reader or real relative or friend, and come out with personal truth."

"If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

I strive to be


more RAW

and more SOULFUL

with every word I write.

Beautiful Disaster

Tuesday, December 8, 2009 9:27 PM

What would I do without music? This is just another song where I feel that the words come directly from my heart and tell my story word for word.

Beautiful Disaster Lyrics - Songwriters: Johnson, Rebecca; Wilder, Matthew

He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems and more Heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him my whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, Lord, it just ain't right

Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Lord, would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth, as strong as what I believe
And a tragedy with more damage than a soul should see
But do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight, baby, hold me tight

Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

I'm longing for love and the logical but he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle, waiting so long, I've waited so long
He's soft to the touch but frayed at the ends he breaks
He's never enough and still he's more than I can take

Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?

He's beautiful, Lord, he's so beautiful
He's beautiful

more about "Beautiful Disaster", posted with vodpod

Daily Harmony ~ Mind, Body, Spirit

11:27 AM


When you find yourself rushing and anxious - STOP and BREATHE.

Ask yourself why you are rushing and anxious.

The reasons may increase your self-understanding.

December Hair Update

Monday, December 7, 2009 5:36 PM

OK so here’s the deal. After much trial and error, I think I have my winter regimen down. I haven’t done a hair post in awhile, so I’ll catch you up on what’s been going on.

Since the cooler weather has kicked in, my hair has been dry, dry, dry despite my most earnest efforts to deep condition and moisturize. My braid outs have suffered from several ailments due to lack of moisture, the wrong kind of moisture and over moisture. My hair seems to really miss the natural moisture in the air in the summertime, and I can’t find it bottled anywhere! ;-)

I discovered that my hair gets dry and hard when I use protein, so I’m going to be very wary of products with protein in it going forward. I’ve been bunning it for several weeks simply because everything I was trying wasn’t working. I tried to do a roller set, but my roots are way too poofy when it dries and my hair would look like a big helmet on my head and end up in a bun.

Since I was feeling so frustrated, I decided to slow down and get back to basics. Although I’m newly natural, I knew how to achieve healthy, thriving winter hair when it was relaxed so there’s no reason that I shouldn’t be able to do it now. I remembered reading on Curly Nikki that the reason curly hair is dryer than straight hair is something about how the moisture is more evenly distributed on a strand of straight hair because there are no hills and valleys for the moisture to have to travel through. When I thought about the history of my hair, I have usually had the most noticeable growth spurts in the winter. Perhaps my winter hair just prefers to be straightened out. This was my theory, so I decided to go ahead and test it out.

I pretreated my hair the evening before washing with EEOO from root to tip. I wrapped my hair in siran wrap and a silk scarf and went to sleep. In the morning I washed with Organix coconut cream shampoo (sulfate-free) and conditioned with HH essences herbal hydration. (I LOVE the Organix coconut oil conditioner but it was all gone). I got out of the shower and with a squirt bottle applied a healthy amount of coconut oil to my roots and the length of my hair, then applied an even healthier amount of cholesterol to my roots and the length of my hair. I put on a plastic cap and got under the dryer for 30ish minutes.

I rinsed this out for a long time under lukewarm water. My hair felt so soft and I was really excited to see how it would straighten out. I sprayed Elasta QP H2 (which is a thermal protectant and styling spray) all over my hair and section by section starting in the back I blow dried my hair on high on the warm setting. I didn’t have to add anything else because my hair was so moisturized from the oil treatments. When I was done, I went over it randomly with the instyler just a bit because I didn’t want my hair bone straight. I knew that when I went outside my hair would poof every so slightly just the way I like it.

The first night I just bunned it to help my roots and edges lay down and also to just let the moisture marinate. I went to the hair cuttery and got a dry trim because my ends were looking pretty rough. My hair got snowed on and got kind of a Diana ross look that looked kinda messy but I loved it. For the pics below, I did a dry set where I just put shea butter on my roots and ends and put my hair in four braids with rollers at the ends. My hair still feels really moisturized so I went easy on the shea butter.

I really like the big, soft, effortless look that I got from this and I think this will be a staple style through the winter. It doesn't matter to me that the braids didn't leave any wave definition, because I know that in orderMy hair feels so moisturized. It’s easy to maintain by just throwing it in some cornrows at night. I will only be putting heat (warm not hot) in it once or twice a month. Occasionally, I will curl it after blowdrying and maintain with pin curls. We’ll see how this works. I also plan to wear buns, pin-ups or ponytails on days when I wear wool sweaters and coats to protect my ends.

We’ll see how this goes ;-)

I Promise Myself

Friday, December 4, 2009 9:29 AM

To love and to hold myself through ups and downs, confusion and confidence, rejection and praise.

To be my own best friend.

To not force my hair, mind or body into positions that don’t feel natural or beneficial to me.

To remember my intrinsic value and goodness and relinquish the need to constantly prove myself.

To let go of preconceived notions and prejudices.

To expect surprises and miracles and embrace them.

To accept that what works for her, him or them may not work for me.

To know that I’m beautiful...
even when my eyes try to tell me something different.

To encourage others to see their own worth and relevance and celebrate it without needing to tear everyone else down.

To focus on inner beauty and happiness to make me radiant.