Thursday, July 22, 2010
7:03 PM
Posted by GG Renee | Filed under
Motherhood,
Musings and Reflections
It's not for everyone, is it? Being a parent. Being a mom. The privilege and burden of it is overwhelming. A mother must accept the ambivalence of this role - the joy and the pain - to keep her faith (and sanity) intact.
Sometimes I miss the days when my heart just belonged to me. When I could be completely and utterly selfish with my energy, time, and money. Even when my kids are not physically with me - they are with me. I obsess over them and talk about them incessantly. I even annoy myself sometimes. But they are my own little personal miracles walking around everywhere. That has to be talked about, don't you think?
Speaking of thinking, just who do I think I am to be raising three kids anyway? When did I even grow up and start taking care of ME? So often, I stop and ask myself if I really know what I'm doing. Somehow, the unknown makes me feel alive. I don't always know what I'm doing; but I'm doing.
I worry about my kids. Even though I preach to others not to worry. Worrying is misuse of the imagination. Yet I worry. If I had one wish, it would be the ability to protect my kids from any and all pain - physical and emotional. And yet, that's not my job. Not completely. My job is to love them and teach them to love themselves, so they are strong enough to endure this crazy, unpredictable world.
The only training I have for this job is life itself. On the job training can get messy. Parenting is a dirty job. There will be mistakes and regrets. Trial and error. Constructive and not-so constructive feedback. Everyone's a critic, right? That's OK. When I hear opinions from friends, family and foes about how we raise our children, I take the criticsm along with the praise and keep it moving. Dwelling on what others think has never gotten me anywhere but stuck in my own head. This journey was custom-made for me.
"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh