Monday, June 4, 2012 5:27 PM
I have a confession to make. (Another one? Yes, another one.) I'm afraid of being left behind. Not left behind as in stranded on a deserted island - but left behind as in everyone around me overcoming and succeeding and I'm still left in the same place running around in circles chasing my tail. I've never really thought of myself as an ambitious, competitive person and I still don't. I don't need to win all the time, and when I do win, I prefer that everyone else is winning with me. But it is important to me to fulfill my purpose and keep progressing. I suppose this is why I have this annoying fear of not growing and accomplishing fast enough. Make sense? Sound familiar? I'll come back to that.
In Part I, I talked about:
- removing limiting thoughts from your mind so you can envision the life you really want
- trusting your inner voice and relishing your growth process
- accepting fear and failure as a necessary part of life
That was about three months ago. Since then I've had some successes, some failures and some a-ha moments. I've been happy and thriving and yet I know that I could feel better. I'm way too stressed all the time and I feel so overextended that I'm not able to be as thoughtful and involved as I would like in every aspect of my life. The most significant a-ha moment I've had is the realization that a great deal of this stress and anxiety comes from the fact that I'm still not fully trusting my experience. I always want things to go a certain way as a sign that I'm on the right path. When things don't happen as quickly as I would like then I immediately think that I'm doing something wrong.
I was reading The Daily Love the other day and Mastin was talking about detachment and developing this mindset: "I just don't mind how it goes." He said that "when you are in that mindset, disaster isn't disaster; what you have is abundance and where you are is perfect. This isn't to say you shouldn't work, try and do. But, if you are attached to a certain outcome, you may be missing the bigger picture..."
These are things that I already know but I forget about when distracted by what other people are doing. I know that I should trust my instincts more and remember that seeing the big picture requires a bigger lens.
What happened to all the promises I made to myself?
-To remember my intrinsic value and goodness and relinquish the need to constantly prove myself.
-To accept that what works for her, him or them may not work for me.
-To expect surprises and miracles and detours and embrace them.
-To relish the journey for what it's worth and let go of the outcome.
And just like that - I feel centered again.
When I write about the things that hurt me, scare me, intimidate me, somehow magically they lose their power - allowing me to see clearly again. And the energy that I was using to worry and be afraid is rechannelled into being productive and creating work that helps people.
So my advice to all of you who are seeking to live more creatively is to stay focused on the big picture and don't get bogged down by self-doubt. Rely on your personal outlets to keep you zoned into your own progress. Stay the course.